Back in March, I was in the checkout line at my local farmers market when the checker asked, “Paper or plastic?”
“Damn it!” I yelled, loud enough for everyone to hear. “I forgot my canvas bags again!”
I don’t usually make a scene and I’m normally a very considerate guy. But on that day, I decided the environment took precedence over good manners, and I was willing to embarrass myself. I didn’t care that my car was in a huge parking lot nowhere near the entrance or that several people would have to wait or change lines. It was time to take a stand—to make a change.
I apologized to everyone behind me in line. Then, once again talking loudly enough for all to hear, I declared my intentions.
“I have no choice,” I said, “but to teach myself a lesson. I’m going to go out there in the freezing cold and retrieve my environmentally friendly eco conscious canvas bags! It’s the only way I’ll learn to remember!”
Three steps out, I turned around and walked back in.
Everyone was staring at me.
“The hell with that,” I said. “It’s freakin’ snowing out there!”
Everyone laughed, I think, except the people waiting in my checkout line.
The next time I went grocery shopping I forgot my canvas bags again. To be honest, I still only remember them 10% of the time.
There’s no doubt about it. I’m going to hell.
Not in a handbag, or in a canvas bag, but in a plastic bag that never decomposed.