...the thoughts of killing her baby and herself continued.
Every object became a way to kill the baby.
Amy gave birth to Isaac in July of 2004. Though she wanted a drug free, natural delivery,
hers was not. When Isaac was three days old, Amy and her husband, Joel, rushed him to hospital. His lips, hands, and feet were tinged with blue and neither his parents nor the paramedics could wake him. In the ER, he choked on vomit and could not breathe without intervention. He was admitted for overnight observation. Naturally Amy was anxious. Later that night, home without her baby, she experienced a panic attack.
When Amy told her home health nurse about the panic attack, the nurse told her that her attack was a sure sign of impending post partum depression and advised her to start on medication as soon as possible. The nurse
called and made an appointment for Amy to
see her doctor. When Amy saw her doctor, she tried to tell him what had happened, but he interrupted her, asking only what the home health nurse had advised. He started her on samples of Zoloft, telling her it was imperative they treat her post partum anxiety aggressively as it would get only worse, possibly dangerous without medication. She asked him to check her thyroid levels as she was taking Synthroid. He refused. Within hours Amy felt detached from her baby, her family, her emotions. Within days, the nightmare began.
“As I…walked past the stairs to our bedroom to lay the baby in his bassinet, I hallucinated - I saw myself standing about half-way down the stairs, throwing the baby down.” Thoughts of killing the baby and
killing herself continued. Terrified to be alone with her child or alone by herself, nine days after the baby was born, Amy voluntarily checked herself into the psychiatric ward of the hospital only to be committed on an involuntary hold. It was there that she first
read a circular that listed the side effects of Zoloft. But when she questioned the doctor about the obvious correlation between her symptoms and possible side effects, she was told it was
impossible for the drug to cause her symptoms since she had been on it for such a short time. Instead of taking her off of Zoloft, her dose was increased. Amy was released from the hospital when she pretended her symptoms had abated, with the agreement she would stay on the medication. 
